Bourbon and Bon Vivants: March 2005 Archive

scope, scrape, slice, stitch, suture

Thursday, March 31, 2005

6:30am i'm off to the hospital
7:02 nurse can't get iv started in my wrist
7:03 wrist has purple bruise bump where vein burst
7:07 anesthesiologist puts iv in back of hand
7:11 surgeon comes in and asks which knee (which he is required to ask by law. i fell for this the first time saying, lord help me...if you don't know what we're doing i'm in trouble) this time i just replied, Left Knee
7:28 i'm going into surgery and i tell the anesthesiologist that i do NOT want to be awake for any part of the surgery.

middle of surgery...i wake up
and listen to the surgeon dictate his notes
so much for being asleep

10:30 in recovery
10:34 here's your hat...what's your hurry. don't let the door hit you on your way out.
11:00 back at home with ice on the knee and drugs on the nightstand.

i have no idea what they did during surgery
other than my acl was stretched out
(which i heard when the surgeon was dictating his notes)
i know the surgeon came in after surgery to talk to me
but he said i wouldn't remember what he was telling me
and by golly....he was right

Loves Lost Locke

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

and so...i watched LOST
with Locke and his strange hair
crazy kookey mom
emergency! dad

locke driving a red vw beetle?

why am i having trouble with locke's
reaction to the kidney donation?
how is it any different than giving your
kidney to a stranger....
in fact, the guy WAS a stranger
albeit one that locke went bird huntin' with.

you make a decision to donate an organ
and well, frankly, thank you
but isn't organ donorship a bit like adoption?
you are giving up your organ
to somebody else
and once they have it
well, if you wanted to stay with it
you probably should have just kept it, no?

a year ago...

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

a year ago i was in a car accident
that had a 97% fatality rate.
yet i emerged without a scratch.

it's been a year,
and i think...
what have i done with my life?

my life would have stopped at 36.
my friend marsha's life stopped at 34.
jim morrison was 27.
kurt cobain was 27.

surgery, knitting, & half-price easter candy

Monday, March 28, 2005

well, my 4th knee surgery has been moved up
to thursday (from april fools day)
perhaps they got a better deal for end of march savings?

went over to friends last night for pizza
and a knitting session.
made the younger one try hawaiian pizza.
*eewwwww*
have you ever had it?
*no*
ah. perhaps you'd like to hold off on
the condemnation until you actually try it.
*ok*
2 slices later, i just giggled.

i like when people are willing to try new things.
it's ok if they don't love it
or it's not their favourite.
the fact that they will suspend their preconceived ideas
and move beyond of the draperies that surround them
and notice, perhaps for the first time,
the difference between being protected
and being smothered is merely perception.

and more often than not...
they will discover something new
something they didn't realize about themselves.
it's amazing to watch.

then we were knitting fools on the couch.

espnU but no WB

Sunday, March 27, 2005

unlike mr coen, who cannot get ESPNU in boston,
the bankrupt adelphia cable of lakes district of nh
offers it free to both its subscribers,

(me and some guy name boB...spelled backward)

anyhoo. i was able to watch the BU vs North D hockey game...
broadcast at 1am thankyouverymuch.
and all the other ncaa div 1 men's hockey.
um..did anyone else have NO ECAC teams in the frozen four.

what cannot get from my cable company
for any price
is the WB

the WB for the love of boB!

although, to be fair,
i have been able to watch almost all the
Div II basketball tourney.

now that's compelling television...

wal-mart vs wal*mart

Saturday, March 26, 2005

back when sam walton was alive
and there were only about 2856 wal-marts
across this great land of ours

the wal-mart name contained a DASH
between the *wal* and the *mart*.

then when the reverend walton passed on
the company suggested they replace the dash
with a STAR between the *wal* and the *mart*
because sammy was dead and he was their star.

and everyone was all huggin' and cryin' and kissin'
and god bless 'm what a wonderful idea
until my mother said,
*why in the HELL would we spend money changing the
existing signs?*
and said the star should be used on all
new and future buildings.

i can only assume the quiet that came over the room
was very similar to when i walk into my mother's
bridge club with bright blue hair.

when the vote was taken to the shareholders
i believe it was 8426 to 1.

that's my mama.

in case you haven't noticed...all wal*mart stores
now have a STAR between the *wal* and *mart*

on 2 people ever dared cross my mama.
me.
and sam walton.
and walton is dead.

pale purple polyester pantsuit

Friday, March 25, 2005

and the mean woman wearing it.
this morning when i was late
for my 7am eye exam

i got a *sneering* by a woman
wearing a
pale purple polyester pantsuit
informing me that i was late
AND there was another patient scheduled in 15 minutes.

she tried to call my cell phone
but said the number i gave her was wrong.
i said..well, you DO have to dial a 1 in front of it.
*you do?*

and there you have it.

prostrate cancer clinic for women

Thursday, March 24, 2005

poor pregnant pk.
she once thought she had prostrate cancer
until her sister-in-law informed her
that she didn't actually have a prostrate.

other than that....
it was crazy sushi night in NH.
yowza!

krispy kremes CLOSING...say it ain't true

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

drove up from boston with a dozen (or so)
krispy kreme donuts

happy, happy (sugared-up) girl

then read krispy kreme is
CLOSING
5 stores they put in Wal-Marts
as a test.
i had to go lay down.
and put a compress on my head.
and one on the dogs.

oh, the humanity.

twattle...the story never told

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Twattle \Twat"tle\, v. i. [Cf. Tattle, Twaddle.] To prate; to talk much and idly; to gabble; to chatter; to twaddle; as, a twattling gossip.

i've never told anyone this story.

when i was in London in the late 80's
i worked in a pub call the Green Man on Putney Heath
(not that it matters)
people used the word *twat* in everyday conversation

as in, *graham, do you think boy george is really a boy?*
*god, nigel, don't be such a twat*

i thought a twat was a gossip.
as in a shorten form of twattle.
seriously.
i did.
i'd never heard it before i went to london.
and it wasn't in the dictionary
(twattle was the only listing)

so i came back to the states
and called everyone a twat.
friends.
relatives.
my college roommates mother.

finally my friend took me aside
and told me to stop.
she just thought i was vile.
and i was too embarrassed to admit i was that naive.
(somehow at 22 it was better to be thought coarse?)

and i was too stunned by my appalling ignorance
to apologize straight away.
i wrote my friend a letter of mea culpa
and asked that she please tell her mother
while i may be many things,
i am not intentionally vulgar

and that whole story about the sheep
was greatly exaggerated.

woe be unto knee

Monday, March 21, 2005

did i mention knee surgery
AGAIN
on april 1

hhrrumph

can one get disability if one is unemployed?

discuss.

book of the week, The Kite Runner

Sunday, March 20, 2005

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

a wonderful book.
i do recommend it.

onto the next book,

Eying the Flash (the education of a carnival con artist)
by Peter Fenton

currently checked out of the library:

The Simpler the Better : sensational home cooking in 3 easy steps by Leslie Revsin
(because we all know I need to attempt to try to actually cook rather than just eat)
Cold Service by Robert B. Parker (meh, we'll get to the inconsistencies later..)
The Dew Breaker by Edwidge Danticat
Out by Natsuo Kirino
Aloft by Chang-rae Lee
The Ha-Ha : a novel by Dave King
The Fabric of the Cosmos : space, time, and the texture of reality by Brian Greene

just a friendly game of mahjongg...to the death

Saturday, March 19, 2005

i love mahjongg.
it's been too long since i played.

friends came up for the weekend
and there was much giggling
and snorting
and clicking of mahjongg tiles.

but then again..that clicking could have just been my knee

a cruise with kidney stones

Friday, March 18, 2005

friends of mine are supposed to go on a cruise
tomorrow

except that he has kidney stones
and doesn't think he'll be in any shape to go.

to which, i said..can you cancel the trip?
nope.

can you get your money back?
nope.

can you switch the tickets to my name?
for $50-75

then i am SO going on this cruise.
except, i won't.
because i fully expect him to pass said kidney stone.
in the next 12 hours.
and that would just be silly of me to go on a cruise
that has his name (and wife) on all the documents.

plus me without my sunscreen
or motion sickness pills
or left knee

bucknell?

bucknell beat kansas?

vermont beat 'cuse.

do you think anyone had their bracket
filled out like this?
methinks not.
because what are the chances
of someone from bucknell together with someone from vermont
playing the brackets?

r.i.p. dear, dear knee

Thursday, March 17, 2005

there was nothing i could do.
i took away the belt and shoelaces.
removed the razor.

stayed up nights watching over it.
gave it re-assurances.
and love.
and vitamin e.

but the knee gave up.
and took the meniscus with it.

surgery #4 is scheduled for april 1.

and for dinner tonight...

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

...we have....

Bold Party Blend Chex Mix
combined with
Buffalo Wing -n- Bleu Cheese Flavoured Cheeto Twists
and one caffeine free diet Pepsi

who says college ever has to end?

you are only as old as you feel.
and frankly, i feel like shit.
so i suppose i'm the right age.
just like college.

and if you are looking for a review of dinner
let's just say
the bold spiciness was offset by the light crisp refreshment.

is it bad when there is nothing green in your diet
but many, many things that are day-glo orange?

fetch me a feather.

my knee and me

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

i'm cranky about the knee.
it's clicking. and hurting. and swelling.
and frankly, i think it's depressed.

i have the knee on suicide watch.

library lust

Monday, March 14, 2005

didn't love Cheat & Charmer by Elizabeth Frank.
it was wordy..
like Steinbeck is wordy...
pages and pages and pages of set up
jesus, it was like proust.

i prefer tight writing.
give me hemingway.
simon singh.
hell, mental floss.

read.

parker posey films

Sunday, March 13, 2005

just watched
the Misadventures of Margaret

and while it was no Party Girl
it was still darn funny in a certain
parker posey way

HOW many feet of snow?

Saturday, March 12, 2005

about 2 feet of snow has fallen
in the past 26+ hours.
on top of the 3 ft drifts that were
already on the ground.

currently the fence around the house
is about 4 inches high.

nothing says protection like
3 dogs behind a 4 inch fence

i'm watching the bu women play
hartford in women's hoop
to go to the big dance.
i remember when bu played uconn in 2003(?)
in the opening round of the ncaa's.
like watching my pretty pony
run in the kentucky derby.

hartford's coach, jenn rizzotti
(who played at uconn..btw)
is about 11 months pregnant.
she looks great, so i'm predicting a boy.
they showed rebecca lobo at the game with her baby.
(friend of jenn's from uconn...i didn't really need to say that did i?
i mean, we all know who rebecca lobo is...right? RIGHT?)

and yeah, i looked to see if sally was at the game.
i always look for her if bu is on tv.
and no, i didn't see her.
but it is funny how many people i do recognize.

it's march!
it's madness!

wine tastings and new friends

Friday, March 11, 2005

apparently the cool hip market in town
has free wine tastings every friday from 5-7
who knew?

so off we went
to meet friends
and discuss the complexities of pinot noir,
served in wee plastic cups,
and whether the plastic affects the
subtle red currant nose in the merlot;
or of it's the plastic cup that offers
the scent of green papaya and unwashed peppercorns

the woman giving the tasting was not amused.

wine (and food) should evoke passion.
dare i say moderate adoration.
at least mild affection.
hell, just tell me why i should buy this wine..
it wasn't memorable
so SELL it to me
tell me what i missed.
engage me.
engage my senses.
barring that... pour larger samples.

meh.
we left around 6pm and came home.
one of our friends came over
to kvetch about the wine tasting
we spent the next 5 hours
drinking wine and ck-1's
eating goat cheese
and giggling about seemingly important topics
all while the southern accents getting thicker and heavier

sure as hell beat the wine tasting at the market.
thankfully, we'll give it another go next friday.

dog grooming and me

Thursday, March 10, 2005

henri went to the groomer today
who knew his coat was supposed to be white?
and yes..i know..according to the akc
cavalier king charles spaniels are NOT to be clipped
at all.
anywhere.

well, F that.

basically all the haircut proved was that
henri needs to lose some weight.
i'd blamed his excess hair for his avoirdupois weight.
when really...it was just his excess fat.
silly me.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening or how to lose a dog in one easy lesson

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

last night i'd gone over to friends for dinner.
they wanted to meet jolie
and said bring the whole crew

i loaded 'em in the truck and
drove the 2 blocks to their house
(hey..it was a freakin' blizzard outside)

the boys got out of the truck
and ran inside the house.
Jolie just sat there
scared to move

so i got out of the truck
and turned around to get her out.
she leapt out of the truck
looked at me
looked at the house
looked at the truck
and bolted.

not just down the driveway
not just down the block
but up the hill
around the corner
and into the woods.

just like THAT.

and she was gone.

my friend came out with a flashlight
and some ham.

tromping by woods on a snowy evening
she came bounding up to me
30 minutes later.
i carried her to the truck.

and miles to go before i sleep
and miles to go before i sleep

when i kneeded you

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

oh dear.
oh dear me.
apparently the graft is not *taking* to the knee.
the tendon is *mushy*
the knee is swollen.
and stiff.
and about as cranky as a 4 yr old at high mass.

off to see the surgeon
to see if i need a knee replacement now
or if i can wait until i'm 38....

but the scar!
oh the scar!
still as sexy as all hell.

lest you worried.

bookmarks...for everyone who hasn't read everything

Monday, March 07, 2005

i love this magazine!

bookmarksmagazine.com

hazaa hazaa

.....it's a girl.....

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Jolie Lisette

and she's a doll
38 lbs of Lemon & White English Pointer

SO soft
SO sweet
SO snuggled up in bed

sigh.

and we SO got rid of that hunter orange collar...egad
with her colouring?
what were they thinking?

sofie's choice...and the tsunami

Saturday, March 05, 2005

there is a story in People magazine
about a mother trapped with her 2 sons
in the water, after the tsunami hit 12/16/04

she realized she couldn't hold them both up
for fear they would all drown
so she pried the fingers of her 5-7 yr old
off her neck.
let him go.
and left it up to god.

the child managed to survive.

how much $$ should be put in that child's therapy fund?
considering your mother pried you loose
so she could save your brother and herself.

book buying spree

Friday, March 04, 2005

when one gets over $50 in Barnes & Noble
gift certificates
one is compelled to buy books....

and the one that caught my eye:

The Straight Girl's Guide to Sleeping with Chicks

from the back cover:

"You can't swing a dead cat at a bridal shower without hitting a straight chick who's slept with another woman, who's thought about it, or who's ready to make the move as soon as someone breaks out the booze."

now that's a book every lesbian should own!
oh WHERE was this book in college, i ask.
right, right, i remember now...
listening to portishead and drinking segrams golden wine coolers.

the cpm machine

Thursday, March 03, 2005

what's a cpm machine, you ask
constant passive motion
it's the machine they strap your leg into
after surgery
that forces it to bend and flex
and bend and flex
and bend...

you get the idea.

hours and hours and hours of it
cranking up the degree of bend
every couple of hours

for me...no problem
i can bend my freakin leg around my head
so cpm is just boring
as opposed to painful

so the day before yesterday
i got a call from a very nice fellow
who said the hospital needed
the cpm machine back
because somebody was having surgery
and there wasn't another one available.

to which i thought...
good lord, is this the only machine in NH?
but i digress

so yesterday in the snow and slush
i strapped on my brace,
gathered my walking cane,
found my crutches,
and schlepped a 30 lb cpm machine
that i had been using
back to the hospital
where the intake person told me
to take it to the OR
and the OR nurse said to take it
to room 402

to which i finally replied..
i'm NOT the delivery guy, people...
i was using this freakin' thing
and somebody told me to bring it back

and with that...
i left the CPM machine
on the floor of the OR
and hobbled my way right back home.

chewy sprees 'n me

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

remember how i said i was giving up sugar?
except for major holidays, naturally

well i lied.

unless you want to count today as
national buy 1 get 1 free chewy spree day

because that is what it is
and gina bought me
(upon threat of whining)
26 rolls

that's right.
26.

all chewy sprees
all mine

let the holiday's BEGIN!

the cable company...er...monopoly...

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

here in scenic NH,
i have my choice in cable companies.
i could choose Adelphia
who filed for bankruptcy
or i can use my television as an aquarium
and read a book.

no matter...i chose Adelphia
for both is financial security
and its outstanding customer service

so not only do i not have the WB
because it's not considered a *local* channel
but i don't get Showtime-on-Demand
because, well, i just don't know why
but i don't.

i haven't seen Gilmore Girls in six months!
my life is a shambles.

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