just freakin' take me away.

i was freezing last night.
woke up cold
but too sleepy to actually

GET UP

and get a blanket.

so this morning
it was 50 degrees in the house
because apparently the compressor
in the heater burner thing-y
got taken away by calgon
instead of me.

and the smoke alarm battery decided
express its sympathy for the heater
by emitting a pastoral beep
every 22 seconds
even after i removed it from the wall
with a limited edition
boston red sox breast cancer awareness bat

then my cell phone rang (showing a 401 area code)
and a psu student on the other end
saying he had my dog in his car
(when did clem get out?)
and that he just dropped her off.

um...dude....WHERE did you drop her off
because i'm standing here in the living room
with a seriously dead smoke alarm
a pink bat
fuzzy pants
barefoot
wild-eyed
and cranky.
i do not suffer fools lightly

he said he left her at the house
on the corner
the with the 2 green doors.
he put her in the hallway
behind the door on the right.

um...the house on the corner has RED doors.
and THAT IS NOT MY HOUSE.

and so...
wearing a t-shirt that said "do it doggie style"
fuzzy pants
and a pair of tasteful black merrell slip-ons
i slide across the frozen pond
that is my porch, sidewalk & driveway
pick up my dog
and return to the cold comfort of home.