Twattle \Twat"tle\, v. i. [Cf. Tattle, Twaddle.] To prate; to talk much and idly; to gabble; to chatter; to twaddle; as, a twattling gossip.

i've never told anyone this story.

when i was in London in the late 80's
i worked in a pub call the Green Man on Putney Heath
(not that it matters)
people used the word *twat* in everyday conversation

as in, *graham, do you think boy george is really a boy?*
*god, nigel, don't be such a twat*

i thought a twat was a gossip.
as in a shorten form of twattle.
seriously.
i did.
i'd never heard it before i went to london.
and it wasn't in the dictionary
(twattle was the only listing)

so i came back to the states
and called everyone a twat.
friends.
relatives.
my college roommates mother.

finally my friend took me aside
and told me to stop.
she just thought i was vile.
and i was too embarrassed to admit i was that naive.
(somehow at 22 it was better to be thought coarse?)

and i was too stunned by my appalling ignorance
to apologize straight away.
i wrote my friend a letter of mea culpa
and asked that she please tell her mother
while i may be many things,
i am not intentionally vulgar

and that whole story about the sheep
was greatly exaggerated.